beyond the binaries

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Coming Out as Trangender, Genderqueer, and/or Non-Binary Masterpost


I’ve been getting lots of questions on Genderqueer Identities in regards to coming out lately. I continue to welcome questions, but I would also like to make a masterpost of resources I tend to recommend to people - this is a work in progress. Please note, you should not feel obligated to come out. Furthermore, you may want to come out to some people, but not to others - this is a very personal process.

You may find pros as well as cons in the resources below  - take what you find will be useful to you and leave the rest behind. Be aware that coming out can be followed by unpredictable responses, both positive and negative, from friends, family or partners. Since there are fewer resources at present about coming out as genderqueer or non-binary, many resources will pertain to transgender people who identify as men or women - many of these suggestions can potentially be adapted to one’s own identity and situation. I have also included guides to potentially show people one has come out to to aid in understanding - as with the guides on coming out, use your own discretion, as a variety of suggestions and viewpoints are represented.

If you know of further resources concerning coming out as trans*, genderqueer, and/or non-binary or want to share your own personal coming out story, please let me know!

How-Tos on Coming Out:

Human Rights Commission: Transgender (scroll down the page to Coming Out to Family as Transgender, Coming Out in the Workplace as Transgender, and/or Marriage and Coming Out as Transgender)

MCC Transgender Ministries - Coming Out as a Transgender Person: A Workbook (religion-oriented)

PFLAG: Coming Out Trans to Your Parents & Family

Susan’s Place: A Guide to Coming Out to Family

Transgender Mental Health: Thoughts on “coming out” as Transgender to family

TransYouth Family Allies: Considering Coming Out as Gender Variant/Transgender to Your Parents?

Forums Where You Can Ask Questions About Coming Out:

AVEN: Gender DiscussionForum GenderQueer (Russian), Laura’s PlaygroundScarleteen: Gender IssuesSusan’s PlaceTransYadaWhat is Gender?

Personal Stories and Advice on Coming Out and Other Resources:

Coming out to your parents: a 101 for non-binary types

Genderqueer Fashionista: Coming Out to My Family

Hackgender: On Coming Out as Genderqueer

Neutrois Nonsense: On (Not) Coming Out

Neutrois Nonsense: Coming Out: The Plan

Nico Lang: Yup, I’m Genderqueer

When I Came Out: Stories on Coming Out as Genderqueer

youwillfly: Dating a Genderqueer (focused on coming out to a partner)

Search for posts on coming out

Search for posts on coming out

FAQs and Guides for People You Have Come Out To:

American Psychological Association: Answers to Your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression

Feeling Wrong in Your Own Body: Understanding What it Means to Be Transgender by Jaime Seba (a good general guide - title may be problematic; this includes some discussion of genderqueer identity)

Gender Now Coloring Book: A Learning Adventure for Children and Adults by Maya Christina Gonzales

TransWhat?: A Guide Towards Allyship

Filed under resource list coming out advice

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