Posts tagged partner
genderqueer
beyond the binaries
Gender-Neutral Equivalents to Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Obviously, this is an incomplete list.
- Paramour
- Significant Other/SO
- Genderfriend
- Lover
- Sweetie/Sweetheart
- Partner
- Cuddle buddy
- Soul mate
- Steady
- [name]friend
- Mate
Submitted by sylmatil:
there is a gorgeous series of poems by Arianne Zwartjes currently up on NoTellMotel.org that explores the poet’s relationship with her transgender then-partner.
here’s an excerpt:
are we still the same person when the flesh of the face is peeled away.
chest sparring with neck, breasts overlaid. a bead of sweat
on the lip. or the man with the beard and the breasts (this could be you).
take, the silent glide of thighs, ears, the encrusting of toes
upon the floor. searing trajectory towards change.
a body between genders. floating that is not fixed. (all marking is done
with the patient in a standing position) (an estimated amount of tissue to
be removed)
a notification of red, crimson on the last edge.
soon cracks will appear all throughout your voice.
the line of the belly pauses only marginally. when shana started t.
he sounded sick for months and months,
was a different text to anyone. now the story’s
more immutable. less room for elusive green.
the exploration of the interplay between body and identity throughout these poems is beautiful. definitely worth a read!
Note: Arianne’s poems are listed at the very bottom of this page. The quoted poem is “notifyingly you swanned red and then”.
What Your Partner Probably Means When They Say You’re Treating Their Body Like It’s Female: one transmasculine person’s guide to hir chest
I’ve been writing anecdotally about my relationship with my chest for a class that I’m in, and I think I’ve come up with something.
This is a difficult line. As someone who is not male and does not try in any particular way to pass as male, and has an identity that is apparently very difficult for others to understand, and is assigned female, and is highly androgynous in appearance, I have no idea how individuals in my life understand my physical being. I actually have pretty little idea about how I understand my physical being, I guess I mentally blur some things and it all works out in the end. My relationship with my chest is especially complex.
Jonathan is a transman who also studied at my university, a year or two ahead of me. I only know him by proxy, through his girlfriend, but it’s been extremely interesting and enlightening to follow his transition. He’s been vlogging since he started testosterone.
I decided to post this video and not any of the others because I love the way his girlfriend talks about some of the things she deals with as a partner. “At this point people ask me, ‘well, what does this mean? Are you gay? Are you straight?’ And I’m just like, ‘well, I’m happy. You don’t seem happy, cuz you’re trying to put me in a box, and you’re failing.’ I just identify as being happy. Or another one I use is a Jonathansexual. Works every time. Don’t say Jonathansexual, cuz that one’s mine. Unless you have a Jonathan as well! Coincidence. Freaky! In which case you can use Jonathansexual.”
White trans man and his partner of color but this is a great video. They touch on some of the T effects that aren’t generally discussed (like the perceived age difference between them) and dispel a couple myths - highly recommended for partners, especially those whose SOs are planning to start T.
The misperceived age difference must be really troublesome for gay male couples where one partner is trans.
(via fireeyedboi)
Gender-neutral lover
Me: Thanks for being my boyfriend.
Him: Thanks for being my gender-neutral lover.
My boyfriend is awesome.
Submitted by etcestpastout
Often the question of whether or not to be out as trans rests upon the assumption that you’re either out or stealth. Yay, another binary! The reality is that there is a significant gray area.
Transgender Tips, the latest comic from The Dragon Queen, a transgender superhero webcomic.
“Last night my girlfriend and I had a fight about my gender and I felt so alone. I’m sorry it’s not a question. I just needed to tell someone” —Submitted anonymously.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Gender is one of our most personal attributes and it sucks to have it attacked, especially by someone you trust. I guess it’s hard for a partner to be in a relationship that shifts (from queer to straight, or vice versa, or some other combination), but that doesn’t give them the right to pull you down. My heart goes out to you.
I don’t really have any advice, but I’m posting this in hopes that, if someone else is in the same situation, they don’t feel so alone.
MTF Transition-> More Happily Married
I’ve gotten a little paranoid about reading transition narratives and the impact they have on couples. Maybe I’m over sensitive, but most of the ones I’ve read and watched seem to follow a pattern: the partner mourning the “lost love,” blow-out fights attributed to the transitioning person’s hormones, and a break-up or imminent break-up narrated through the transitioning person’s sense of bittersweet regret- “I became the person I needed to be, but lost my love in the process.”
I would like to believe that this is not the inevitable impact that transition has on a relationship, and that, in fact, transition can strengthen relationships as the transitioning person develops greater comfort and joy and the couple cultivates intimacy through the process. I recently found a blog, “TransMarried” that captures this sentiment beautifully. The tagline sets a tone for the blog, “Being married to a trans is special, especially if you are in love like we’ve been for 41 years. I support staying in a marriage because I know Angela’s transition saved ours.” But the About Me is the best summary:
While dating my husband to be, a Lt. in the AF, I received a fortune cookie that read, “You and your wife will be very happy.” That turned out to be prophetic. We married in 1966; in 1984, he told me he needed to be a woman. I choose to stay in the marriage. There was little knowledge then about anything Transgender until the Internet came along. We learned about The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care and found a therapist. My husband changed his name and began hormones in 1999. It saved our marriage. He became what he needed to be, and I fell in love with her too. S/he retired, and we began our Real Life Test in 2000. My 50+ year-old husband became a pre-teen, and then a know-it-all teenage girl, and I became Angela’s Wife! Sex Reassignment Surgery was in 2002, and she’s still my spouse.
Check out her affectionate and touching posts on daily life with her wife, their children and grandchildren for an encouraging dose of non-normative happily ever after.
This is the blog by the lovely couple from this picture/article.
